Style Part 2

What is Style?
I would have to answer that question almost verbatim with the answer I gave in the first blog. Having spent the last three months reading, studying and writing about style, I don’t think that I can define it any better or differently than I already have. Style can be anything you want it to be. Style is how we classify, determine, evaluate and make judgments about people or things. The style that we choose to represent (in person, in writing,) is a deliberate choice. It is up to us to decide whether is it authentic or not.

Post 15 – My Final Say Regarding Peer Review

I am a fan of peer review, I have been from the start. I find it kind of ironic that I can find some odd wording in someone else’s paper, but completely miss it my own. Every suggestion that I have received has been “spot on.” On this last paper, one of my reviewers pointed out that I had used the words “each other” in two consecutive short sentences and that it was redundant and sounded awful (she put it much more politely.) I went back and reread the sentences and Dang! if she wasn’t right. I don’t know how I didn’t pick up on that myself, but those are the kinds of things I need help with identifying in my own papers because they seem to slip by me. (I think that I do OK when reading others’ papers, for instance, I recently noted that a writer had used the word “very” three times in one paragraph – now there was a definite need to omit needless words!)
When we read Strunk and White and Williams guides, I noticed that there were quite a few areas that needed tweaking in my writing. It’s almost the same thing when reviewing papers. When I see the over use of needless words, it makes me more determined to try and keep them out of my own writing. So in a sense, proofing other papers has a slingshot effect in that it makes me hyper aware of what I write in my own papers.
I especially liked the star rating system that was introduced with the second review. I felt like I had specific areas of content that I was to be looking for when proofing other papers, it was a confidence booster – for me. And while receiving a poor star rating may be a little harsh, you have to respect that it is only one opinion, but it may be a very valid one, one that has probably been given only with your best interest in mind. I think a setting of 10 stars instead of just 5 may give the giver/recipient a little more breathing room.
Schools are teaching students as young as first grade to peer review, so there has to be some validity to the process. I know that it has helped me produce much better final products.

Blog Post 14

I have to admit that I was not really excited at the thought of making a video with other students from my class whom I knew virtually nothing about. Although it was a little slow in getting the ball rolling – once we did, there was no stopping it. What an experience! There were so many different aspects and levels of learning that I experienced on a personal, emotional, educational level, I don’t think I could even begin to list them all. It was interesting to meet the people “behind the words.” We are four completely different people in various stages of our lives, but we each brought unique interest/talents/and experiences that we could share with each other in the making of the video.

Anderson’s article “The Low Bridge Benefits: Entry Level Multimedia Literacies and Motivation, states that the amount of passion/motivation a students invests in his work is completely dependent upon his interest level in the assignments. I agree with this completely, as this was very evident with my group members who had AV backgrounds and interests. I think that Anderson has a valid point. We can’t expect the students of the 21st century to learn in the same manner that the students in the 20th century did. Teachers have to incorporate low bridge technologies into their assignments to keep the students interested, motivated and engaged. A well-written paper isn’t the only assessment of skills or knowledge that should be used. We need to appeal to the learning styles of the 21st century student in order to help them succeed.

Blog 13

It takes a bit of work to find it, but there is some correlation between writing and making a movie. Most importantly, unless you are making a silent movie, there is the script to prepare. That involves writing. For this, Williams’s guidelines for appropriateness are important. When making the movie, we need to make sure that we are mindful of who our target audience is. We also need to make sure that we are actually conveying our message not only in our words, but in every other sight or sound that appears on our video. I think that reviewing the You Tube commercial in terms of style will be the most helpful when it comes to creating this movie.

Post 12 – Peer Review

It doesn’t seem like a whole lot has changed from the first two reviews. Overall, I agree with the concept, even though it may be hard to receive (constructive) criticism. I know that I have a hard time taking the thoughts from my head and putting them on paper and have them sound coherent. They make much better sense in my head. Getting the feedback from my classmates helped a lot. By this third review, it was much easier to give suggestions. Although, I think – and it seems that most of my classmates agree – that the star system really worked the best. I don’t think it really had to do with the stars, it’s just that along with the stars, we had specific areas to look at. Unfortunately, since the first review, the amount or lack of participation of some members hasn’t changed. The responsibility of making this peer review work is dependent upon the degree to which the peers participate. **new edited version** I found that it is important to check my spam mail, notifications for comments on my style guide arrived there. I didn’t notice until today. My sincere apologies for thinking/stating that my group mates hadn’t critiqued my guide.

Post 11 – What Others are Saying

So what’s everyone talking about?

Sexism in writing – this is one area where Steve mentioned it in his intro and Tracy also mentioned it in her Strunk and White blog, “The idea that using the masculine pronoun is somehow sexist is just plain silly to me. When we’re talking about lions, no one says, “the lion or lioness…” No, we just say, “lion.” Why is it somehow demeaning for the gender-neutral and masculine pronouns to be the same.” I agree with Tracy. What’s the big deal? It never bothers me to read masculine pronouns. I expect it. What do you expect from a book that was first published in 1959. Williams’s book uses a lot of female pronouns in its examples – it reads awkwardly to me.

Sillisa wrote, “Do not attempt to emphasize simple statements by using a mark of exclamation” (Strunk pg 34) This rule seemed a little strange to me because exclamation points seem to be everywhere today, after Yahoo!, that’s definitely just one word, so it shouldn’t have an exclamation point after it.”” Yup! I took notice of that rule when I first read it also! My face is turning red while I write this! I definitely have that bad habit of exclaiming (almost) every sentence that I write! I usually have to go back and edit out most of them! But I am sure I still leave in too many! I must work on this!

Aimee wrote about how writing gets judged and the fact that it can be subjective, “and I would think that as a teacher, it would be difficult to not judge written assignments more harshly because I didn’t like a particular student. Hopefully, that won’t be a problem, but I’m sure at some point, I’ll be tempted to do so. So I really don’t buy Mr. Williams’ discussion and positions on what makes bad writing and why it happens.” Aimee, that’s a valid point that you make about judging/grading your students in accordance by how well you like or don’t like them. It’s OK to dislike a student, but it’s NOT OK to show it or use it as a basis for judgment. And you’re right, reading is a subjective area to grade. Just like you said don’t buy Williams’s positions on what makes writing bad; everyone has their own opinions.
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Omitting Needless Words – A number of students mentioned Strunk and White’s rule to omit needless words. While I agree with that, I also see a need to write naturally. According to their directions and examples, I write sentences that are too damn wordy. I could probably edit my papers down to half their original size. But if I did that, would it sound like me? I feel like I would lose my voice, my uniqueness, the words that make me, me. For example: According to Strunk and White, I write wordy sentences. My papers could be cut in half. Would I lose my individuality as a writer? Yuck! (But, it’s only my opinion.)

One last point. The very first rule In Strunk and White’s book is this:
1. Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ‘s.
Why are there so many different spellings of the book that belongs to Joseph M. Williams? Is it Williams’ book or Williams’s book ?????

Revision of Blog 9 – Revision with Williams

Blog 9 – Revision !!!!!!!!

First I will start with my disclaimer: I don’t know where my head was at last week. At first, I thought the directions were to revise 3 course selections. Don’t ask how I got that out of the directions, I have no answers aside from sheer stupidity. I spent a bit of time choosing and revising three courses. As easy as I thought it sounded, I found the revision work to be difficult. Then, rechecking the directions later in the week, I realized had I read them incorrectly….I now (again incorrectly) read them to say: choose a three sentence course description (again, another stupid $@!*^$# mistake on my part.) I chose my best revision, gave it an extra spit shine and posted it to my blog. During a review of upcoming assignment I noticed my mistake. Therefore, I humbly submit this corrected version.

Before:
The following sections: tuition and fees, financial aid, academic procedures and graduation requirements represent the official policies of Eastern Michigan University as adopted by its Board of Regents.

Eastern Michigan University is open to students who have the potential to succeed academically as determined by a review of official high school records and/or college records. Admission to the University is based on a combination of factors including, but not limited to, the review of high school or college grade point average, high school or college curriculum and scores on standardized tests.

Acceptance into the University is dependent upon meeting the admission criteria described below. Eastern Michigan University admits students at the freshman and transfer level to the University. Secondary admission is required for the College of Business and the College of Education, as well as for several individual programs.
Some academic programs are designed to include courses from more than one college.

After:
The Eastern Michigan University Board of Regents official polices are represented in the following sections: tuition and fees, financial aid, academic procedures and graduation requirements.

Eastern Michigan University is open to all students who have the potential to succeed. Admittance is based on a combination of factors. Factors include, but are not limited to, the review of high school or college grade point average, high school or college curriculum and standardized test scores.

Students must meet the admission criteria, described below, in order for acceptance. Students at the freshman and transfer level are eligible for admittance. The College of Business, as well as several other colleges, require secondary admission. Some academic programs are designed to include courses from more than one college.

The clarity in the above passage was a little murky. Williams advises that the subjects of the sentences should name the cast of characters and that the verb should go with those subjects. I re-worded the sentences so that the subject and verbs were evident. I also made sure that they were appeared within the first 5 or 6 words of the sentence. I changed the emphasis in some of these sentences. Williams advises to place the emphasis toward the end of the sentence. By re-writing the first sentence of the first passage, I took away emphasis from the Board of Regents and placed it on the actual categories the student is interested in reading about. In the second paragraph of the selection, I broke the sentences apart. I wrote each sentence to be shorter and clearer. The third paragraph lacked visible subjects. The sentences were written to make the subjects clearer.

Blog 10 – Comparing Books

After finishing Wiiliams’s book, Style: Toward Clarity and Grace I had mixed feelings when I compared it to Strunk and White’s book, Elements of Style. I don’t think that the two books can be compared to each other as to their content. I find their usefulness to be completely different. I still prefer Strunk’s style of writing over Williams’s. Strunk did a better job of being clear and concise in his writing.

However, when comparing the usefulness of the content, I think that each book has its own merits. Like I stated in my Strunk and White blog, their book tended to be more of a grammar review lesson. Most of the content should be known by high school college students. It is effective as a handy pocket reference book. The advice on how to make writing clear and concise was well written. Williams’s book was a bit “heavier” in its reading. This book was a bit more analytical, and included lengthy examples and useless charts. I really liked the first seven chapters. I found these to be the most useful of both books. The topics and examples on how to make writing clear, cohesive and concise were well written. . Wiiliams made valid points on the flow of sentences, paragraphs and topics. I found thelater chapters to be stuffy and hard to follow. They lacked in being useful towards clarity. Most of the advice is not applicable to the writing that I normally do. It will, however, be very useful when I am editing and re-writing my assignments for this class. After this class is over, I plan to keep both books within arms reach of my computer.

Revising with Williams #9

In the book, Style – Toward Clarity and Grace, Joseph Williams quotes Michael Crichton’s take on a possible cause of bad writing… “Some of us feel compelled to use pretentious language to make ideas that we think are too simple seem more impressive…” (p 11). Is it EMU is avoiding clear and simple language so that this class sounds more impressive than it is, or perhaps to justify the high cost of college classes? We may never know the reason, but one thing we do know is that the following description of Curr 214 is pretty non-descriptive.

Curr 214 – the Developing Child in ECE
Before: Developmental patterns of children in various setting. Physical, mental, social and emotional components of growth through the first five stages of the family life cycle, with emphasis on the child from two to eight years. Impact of the family resources, attitudes and values on young children.

After: Students will analyze how a family’s resource, attitudes and values can effect development. Students will study the childhood developmental patterns, physical, mental, social and emotional growth components through the first five stages of the family life cycle in relation to various settings. Special emphasis will center on the child from two to eight years of age.

Wiiliams states that prose is clear and direct when: 1) the subjects of the sentences name the cast of characters and 2) the verbs that go with those subjects name the crucial actions those characters are a part of (21). This class description clearly lacks a subject , or the “who” or “what” the sentence is about – and exactly what that subject can expect to learn or do. I revised this passage to include that the “student” is the subject. The actions that these subjects will be performing are: “study” and “analyze.” These words demonstrate exactly what the students will be doing in class. By rearranging and adding a few words, the coherence of the passage becomes much clearer.

Ancient Style – You Tube Style – Final

Can a million dollar Madison Avenue advertising company create an effective and persuasive commercial using criteria set forth over 2,000 years ago. I believe it can be done. In their book, Ancient Rhetoric for Modern Students, Sharon Crowley and Debra Hawhee, write that Aristotle was among the first of many teachers to recognize that extraordinary uses of language could be studied and that rules could be drawn up and applied when using language to represent thoughts clearly and create change in emotional status (231).

I chose an Outlast Lipstain advertisement by Cover Girl to analyze. This commercial features actress Drew Barrymore as the spokesperson. The commercial is simple in that it only shows Drew, dressed in a colorful pink dress, set against a stark white back ground. There are many different head and full body shots dispersed throughout the commercial. The only other images to appear in the commercial are the Lipstain markers.

According to ancient rhetoricians there are four qualities that separate an effective style from a less effective one. These four categories are correctness, clearness, appropriateness and ornament. I was surprised by how many of the technical terms that were identified and written about over 2,000 years ago are still employed as criteria to determine effective writing style today. Metaphors, alliteration, hyperbole and irony are just a few examples.

The first two categories used to determine style are correctness and clarity. Crowley and Hawhee write that correctness means that writers “should use words that are current and should adhere to the grammatical rules of whatever language they used” (231). Clarity is the ability to let the meaning or the intent of the message shine through loud and clear. Writers, along with grammatical correctness, also need to use words and vocabulary that are currently being used by society and their target audience. Words should be free from being viewed as too hip, trendy, or faddish. The Cover Girl commercial achieves this through clear and concise wording that has appeal across a broad spectrum of cultures. In hearing and seeing the ad, the viewer is under the impression that this lipstain is “magic” in that the color will never leave your lips. The terms “marker” and “pen” imply that this is a product that will provide precision application and permanent coverage. In the book, Quintilian advised against “neologism” the practice of coining new words for fear that the public will not understand them (232). The commercial makes use of the new word, “lipmagic.” Cover Girl overcame this objection by creating a word with a definition that shines through loud and clear. This new lip color has staying power –without being sticky- that has never been achieved before. Therefore, it must be something like “magic.”

The third element of style is appropriateness. According to Crowley and Hawhee, “Appropriateness probably derives from the Greek rhetorical notion to prepon; meaning to say or do whatever is fitting in a given situation” (232). The authors make the point of appropriateness very clear in this section of the book. They caution the reader to not just use the text when determining appropriateness. Body language, facial expressions, posture and gait also need to be taken into consideration as to what kind of message is being displayed, despite what words are being said.

Cover Girl does a great job in keeping the commercial appropriate for its audience of women of all ages. This commercial features a beautiful actress with gorgeously stunning and colorful lips. It would be easy to cross the very thin line between what is tasteful and what could be viewed as suggestive. The advertisement stars Drew Barrymore. She is like the girl next door – all grown up. There are many close-ups of Drew and her lips, but she keeps it fun and flirty. In full screen she is shown dancing and moving about. She moves a billowy scarf around her body and above her head. This physical image helps supply meaning to the “light as air” reference and also a play to the Cover Girls slogan of “easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.

Another aspect of appropriateness that must be considered is the general attitudes and community standards of behavior of the audience. Not only is it important to identify your target audience, but how well do you appeal to them on their own level? Overall, I find the commercial to be presented in the middle style of appropriateness. It doesn’t use plain or ordinary words, but I don’t find the words or structure to be sophisticated enough to be classified as grand. Nor is it a simple conversation that could be an indication of the plain classification of language.

The last and most complex category of style is ornament. Crowley and Hawhee refer to this as “the most important of excellences of style” (235). Unfortunately, the authors let this rather lengthy section get bogged down with long winded and confusing explanations of the different categories of ornament. Ornament basically means that the language has the characteristics of being unusual or extraordinary. Three subcategories of ornament are: figures of thought, figures of language and tropes. While figures are somewhat varied in sentence structure, tropes contain the characterization of substituting of one word or phrase for another. These terms, created so long ago, are present , applicable and represented effectively in this modern made video.

This commercial is made up of two different types of sentence structure, paratactic and periodic. Paratactic is described as having words in the usual order, with the main point of the sentence being first. A few of these sentences are: “Read my lips.” “This is not a lipstick” and “It’s lip magic in a marker.” Periodic sentence structure is defined as not having the meaning come at the beginning, but may be distributed among several parts of the sentence. An example of a periodic sentence is, “Colorful, original, but never one to get in a sticky situation, that’s Outlast Lipstain from Cover Girl.” These two types of sentences help to keep the commercial sounding well balanced and not stilted or stuffy.

This commercial also the contains use of repetition, calling attention to words or ideas that are important, that is also a figure of language. A word for “something that colors the lips” is used nine different times; some of those words are: lipstick, lipwear, lipstain, and lipmagic. While this type of repetition doesn’t have a specific name according to the definitions listed on page 243, I think it is important to mention that the uses of these same but differentiated words keeps the attention of the viewer focused on the lips and what this “magic” lipwear can do for their lips.

“Light as air lipwear that does what a lipstick can’t,” contains the simile “light as air.” Crowley and Hawhee state that a simile is an explicit comparison between two things using like or as (229). The stain is being compared to the weight of air. This sentence also uses the device of metonomy in that names something with a word or phrase closely associated with it (257). Lipwear can signify lipstick. It also uses alliteration, the beginning ‘L’ sound in light and lipstick (glossary). It also contains the element of assonance, (the repetition of the same sounding words close to each other; air/wear (glossary). Lipstick wearers want don’t want a feeling of heaviness on their lips.

The sentence “The precision pen glides over lips with a flush of sheer color.” Paints a more vivid picture of the user having perfectly applied lipstick that can’t be achieved with a stick. This trope is a form of a periphrasis. (p.257) Quintilian defines uses of this figure as “whatever might have been expressed with great brevity, but is expanded for purpose of ornament.” This also seems to be more of a grand style of a sentence, using the more formal words “glide,” “precision pen,” and “flush” where a more common simpler word would do. Precision pen is another example of alliteration with the hard P sound.

The final analysis of this commercial is of the sentence, “Read my lips.” This is a bold paradox that seems to stand out exponentially from the commercial. When someone says, “Read my lips,” they don’t really mean that they are going to just mouth the words. It is to mean that what is about to be said will be very important. The viewer can interpret the meaning that way, but also in the opposite of that, because the viewer really can “read” her lips and see that the application, coverage and color of the stain is flawless. I think that this is the most powerful and convincing sentence in the whole commercial. Consumers are going to want to have beautifully colored lips just like Drew’s lips.

The effective use of correctness, clarity, appropriateness and ornament in this advertisement according to the definitions and rules set forth over 2,000 years ago, help to make this an Cover Girl commercial extremely successful. Not only can we apply these elements to modern media, but they can also be used in almost all elements of literature, both past and present. Elements of effective style, as set forth by ancient rhetoricians, it seems, never go out of style!

Works Cited

Crowley, Shannon, and Debra Hawhee. Ancient Rhetorics for Contemporary Students. 3rd ed. N.p.: Longman, 2003. 228-63. Web. Oct. 2010.

“A Glossary of Rhetorical Terms with Examples.” University of Kentucky, 2004. Web. 27 Sept. 2010. .